Talking about Maternal Mental health has started to become less of a TABOO SUBJECT but there is still a far way to come this is why I wanted to share my experience nearly 2 years later and help others.
In May 2022 I had my beautiful daughter, Luna, and shortly after I started suffering with Postnatal Anxiety and Depression. At first, I didn’t know where to turn to professionally and was worried that if I admitted how I felt that I would be classed as failure as a Mum and would be letting Luna down. Anyone that knows me and my husband know that we wanted Luna for a very long time, and I didn’t understand why I was suffering the way I was.
I first started noticing the symptoms quite early on. Originally, I thought they were baby blues, and this is what I was told by the doctors. A month later I knew something still wasn’t right when I would cry over anything and everything and was having intrusive thoughts. I went back to the doctors and they prescribed med medication and then I started to look at what more I could do to help myself.
This is when I reached out to Mothers Mind (Staffordshire). I didn’t know what to expect and I nearly turned around on the drive in. Luckily, I didn’t, and I started to go to MM weekly therapeutic group sessions. My first time at MM I was worried that I was going to be judged by mums who seemed to have everything together and under control. I can still remember sitting in the sensory room with my 8-week-old baby in my arms whilst I cried on Sally. This didn’t bother any of the other mums, they were just supportive and welcomed me with open arms. As time went on, I opened up and started talking to the other mums about my thoughts and feelings. Which were all pretty normal.
I really struggled to tell my family how I was feeling, I didn’t think they would understand. I initially told them I was going to a “normal” playgroup. It wasn’t until a month or so after starting that I opened up to them and told them how I was feeling. They were very supportive and didn’t judge me for how I had been feeling and acted.
Mental Health also affected my relationship with my husband as he wanted to fix me and make everything better. It was frustrating for him as he couldn’t do anything but watch as I went through the motions. I feel like he has come on the maternal mental health journey with me. He now understands my triggers, when I need support and what to do. Whether that is 5 mins space, a cup of tea or a cuddle.
As I write this Luna will be 2 years old in less than 2 weeks! Looking back, I can see that I wasn’t well, especially when I look at old photos. I know that the smile is fake and inside I am hurting. I believe it impacted my bond with Luna but not in the way you usually hear about. I took everything to heart (if she wanted her dad more), everything had to be perfect, and I overcompensated as I didn’t want my mental health to impact our bond. I am proud of how far I have come and how much I have grown as a Mum over this time. I still have low days, but they are very few compared to before. I know having low days is normal and sometimes I just sit with the feelings I am having.
Even though no one should suffer with poor maternal mental health I certainly would not have met the ladies I did through a “normal” playgroup. They understand how you are feeling and are a someone to lean on when you need it most. I think nowadays most people’s “villages” have become smaller, the ladies I met through MM are my village of women and even my closest of friends.
Comentarii