Having any sort of prenatal or postnatal mental illness can be a scary, debilitating and lonely time. Whilst there are many ways to get help, such as peer support groups like Mothers Mind - Staffordshire, doctors and health visitors, there are still moments that you feel lonely. Personally, I found that during the night feeds, my mind would go to scary places, and I would feel incredibly alone - because unlike during the day, it’s not easy to reach out.
I constantly found myself scrolling through social media, and as I scrolled I saw happy parents, smiling babies, family days out and mainly people that seemed to have it all figured out. Of course, we all know that social media is a highlight-reel of people’s happiest, proudest and (mostly) posed moments - but when you’re suffering with your mental health it can be a deep dark hole of comparison, self-doubt and guilt. Guilt that you’re not enjoying being a parent, not treasuring little moments with your children, that you’re doing it wrong or that you’ve not made the right choices for your child.
One night as I was scrolling, I came across one post that actually made my heart feel a little bit lighter. It was from @theformulamom, who is a wonderful influencer based in the US that talks about how although breastfeeding is amazing - feeding your child using formula is an empowered, difficult but valid choice. A huge trigger for my postnatal anxiety in particular was my choice not to breastfeed. I was able to, I tried it, and I didn’t want to. I’m now extremely proud of that choice, because it was mine and mine only, and it was the right choice for my child. But as I spiralled into postnatal illness, I felt uncontrollable guilt and fear about my choice.
Am I giving my child the best start? Will he have bad skin? Will he lose weight? Will he be overweight? Would he become ill? Would he die? Do people judge me? Am I a terrible Mum?
These thoughts were very real - but when I found @theformulamom, and read through every single one of her posts and captions at 2.43am, I looked at my decision completely differently. I was proud of my choice. I was assured that I was a great Mum. And that made me think - am I really following the sort of content that makes me feel good?
The following day (who stays up any longer than they have to during the night feeds, really?), during Travis’ naps, I completely detoxed my social media from content that made me feel bad. This included many reality TV influencers (you do not need the diet shakes and no one looks like that when they wake up), some pro-breastfeeding pages, homebirth advocates, and lots more. This doesn’t mean that I was against them, or I didn’t agree with what they stood for, but that at that time, the content was triggering for me and made me feel less than. And that’s OK - unfollowing someone on social media is not an insult - do not worry about what the page you follow may feel.
My next task was to find some accounts to fill up my feed and make me feel good! Look, I’d love to say I could turn my back on social media, but it would be a lie. So I searched hashtags that I wanted to see more of, went through their content, and followed those that made me feel good inside or made me feel less alone in my illness. Some of the hashtags were #postnataldepression, #postnatalanxiety, #postnatalocd, and #bodypositivity. There were a lot more, and I followed some amazing accounts. I mainly focused on mental health accounts that showed I was not the only one feeling like I did, body positivity accounts that made me realise that my postpartum body was perfect just as it was, and other pages about things I was passionate about.
My Top-Ten Positive Pages, that I still follow this day for the reasons above, are:
@theformulamom - Of course I have to give the top spot to the account that made me realise I needed to give my social media a glow up. It’s an inspiring, safe space filled with research-backed, well informed information about being a formula mom!
@meganjaynecrabbe - This unbelievable woman takes number two. She was the first body positive account I ever followed, and I was so happy to see a woman comfortable in her own skin, letting go of society’s pressures for us to be as thin as possible to be respected and beautiful. I’ve also met her and hugged her in real life after an amazing talk she gave, and she is so lovely. Her book, Body Postive Power is amazing and the number one self-help book I recommend to ANYONE ever. Really.
@thebirdspapaya - I actually already followed thebirdspapaya before I even got pregnant or remotely considered having a child. The reason I followed her was for her beautiful page, filled with real pictures of a real body and perfect caption writing, with empowering posts about how to live a fulfilled life - but one of the many reasons I stayed as a parent was watching her grow and give birth to her beautiful youngest child, whilst being completely brutal and unfiltered about the reality of parenthood.
@dlcanxiety & @anxietyjosh - OK, I know that this is two accounts, but I firstly followed @anxietyjosh, who’s account gave me so much comfort that I wasn’t alone in my anxieties. Every single post was relatable, made me feel human and gave me hope. I then followed his account, @dlcanxiety, which I found just as useful and it lead me to reading their book Untangle Your Anxiety.
@psychedmommy - This account is an amazing place to learn more about prenatal and postnatal mental mental illness, including their ‘mom truths’ that made me realise thousands of mum’s were experiencing exactly what I was. And these Mums got better! So maybe I’d get better too (which I did, by the way). It teaches you to rediscover YOU after baby, navigate your big feelings, and get the support you need. They also have an online course, which I took and found hugely beneficial (it is pricey but I found it worth it)
@ownitbabe - Another amazing account that posts about her journey as a parent, a wife, but ultimately a woman. She is utterly hilarious, so relatable, and so real. Seeing women comfortable in their own body and living their best life, whilst also showing the difficult parts is so liberating!
@selfloveliv - I literally love this woman to pieces, and I’ve only ever seen her through a screen! She posts about the importance of self love, her ups and downs with mental health, body positivity, and fashion. Liv doesn’t sugarcoat the hardships of her experience with mental illness, and is honest in the most vulnerable and wonderful way. It’s impossible to not feel at home on her page.
@crazynewmumma - I initially found this incredible human on a Home Birth Support Group on facebook, where she posted about her magical experience home birthing after a C-section. I followed her instagram page and her posts are utterly hilarious but also really informative, with some amazing tips on being a Mum!
@scarrednotscared - Michelle Elman is the queen of boundaries. She is a life coach, author and TedX speaker, and is the author of two incredible books. One of which is The Joy Of Being Selfish, which I recently read and felt completely different about setting boundaries. In the past I have felt like I’m being ‘difficult’ for setting boundaries, especially as a Mum, I experienced many times I should have set boundaries but didn’t (the excess visitors, the unsolicited questions about birth, the judgey comments), and this book made me feel so at ease doing so after reading it. Her page is full of unbelievable content about things like setting boundaries, body positivity, fashion, and living your best life.
@psychotherapymum - A wonderful account filled with posts about the light and dark of parenthood. There is advice, psychological facts, coping mechanisms and so much more. It’s one of those accounts that sucks you in and you can’t stop reading the posts, because how is someone writing my exact thoughts?!
I hope that my rambling and this list has inspired you to take action and show your social media feed some love. Don’t get me wrong, the scary thoughts still popped up, my mind still wandered, and I still felt lonely. But at least when I scrolled social media, my feed was filled with beautiful people, accounts, and posts that made me feel seen, enough, at home and not entirely alone.
It’s not a quick fix, and it doesn’t cure your mental illess - but it’s one of the steps you can take to take control of the content you are consuming. And that ultimately is what recovering from prenatal or postnatal mental health is about. It’s about empowering yourself and taking small steps to feeling like yourself again.
Shannon
Going to do this immediately’ thank you Shannon ❤️ X